they need to just BURY HIM!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
