i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
