Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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