sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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