this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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