Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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