he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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