i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
