We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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