Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
