I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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