Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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