I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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