wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
