We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
