My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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