I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
