He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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