Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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