I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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