Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
