I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
