Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
