so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
