I have demons in me.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
