Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
