I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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