I hate your face
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
