hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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