so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
