Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
