your parents love me but you hate me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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