Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
