I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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