I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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