if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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