I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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