last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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