Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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