I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
