We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
