I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
