I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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