Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
