My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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