You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
