The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
