genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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