It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
