I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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