I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
