i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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