rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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