She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
